You! How long are you going to sleep?! Good grief!
Come on! Get up! Breakfast is ready!
Leave me alone. I don't want breakfast.
Don't be silly! Breakfast gives your brain energy for the whole day!
Monta Mino said so on TV!
[Note: An afternoon talk show host]
W-Wait...really, gimme a break. I have a hangover.
You shouldn't drink so much at your age. Pull yourself together!
What's with all the noise so early in the morning?
Good grief! You've got too much sleep in your eyes, girl. Go wash your face.
Shut up. I don't take orders from anyone.
Then you leave me no choice. Come on, turn this way.
Phew! Stinky!
There, all better. Girls have to keep themselves clean.
You're such hopeless kids.
How much rice? A large serving? Medium?
Okay, medium.
What's the matter with you?! You're too thin!
Boys are healthy when they're just a bit chubby!
Then don't ask me in the first place. Quit nagging me.
Don't talk back!
You're always trying to trip me up!
Good morning.
Huh? Something smells good.
Oh, 'morning.
Good morning.
Are you people taking proper care of this puppy?!
You have to look after living creatures until they die, you know!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Never mind. Eat quickly.
Uh...okay...
How much rice? Medium? Large?
No, thank you. I already ate.
What're you talking about?
You wear glasses! Your eyes are bad because you don't eat enough!
No, I don't think glasses have anything to do with it.
Don't talk back! You're always trying to trip me up!
Don't leave anything in your bowls!
I'll go put out the garbage.
Gin-san.
Huh?
Who is that?
You know. Mom.
What? Yours?
No, no. I have no family. She's yours, right? I appreciate it.
I should tell you that my mother died before I was old enough to remember her.
She's Kagura-chan's, right?
My mommy is a lot prettier. And she's in heaven now.
Don't talk when you're eating!!
Uh, I'm sorry.
And chew it up! 20 times before swallowing!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...
[Gin-san has a hangover, Shinpachi wears glasses, Kagura sleeps in the closet.]
[Chew your food 20 times before swallowing... Who is she? Whose mother is she?!]
["Mothers Everywhere Are All the Same"]
I'm a mother. Hachiro's mother.
Who the heck is Hachiro?
More importantly, why is Hachiro's mother acting like our mother?
Out in the country where I come from, a mother is everyone's mother
and a child is everyone's child.
A Great Mother? With a face like that, you're more like "Great Masa"...
[Note: "Great Masa" is a pro wrestler in Japan]
Hey, what're you doing? Why're you eating that?
Why're you eating my rice?
I came here from the country to see my son.
But the city is so unfamiliar that I got confused.
The subways are like a maze. Like Wizardry.
[Note: Wizardry is a puzzle game that's been around for decades.]
Hey, how many bowls are you gonna eat?
Where'd you get that perm? What kind of hairstyle do you call that?
I found myself lost and I didn't know what to do until I came across your sign.
I'll be relying on your help from now on, so I thought I'd fix breakfast for you
while you were asleep.
Hey, that's my pudding!
Is that a button? That thing above your eyebrows.
Is that a self-destruct button? If I push it, will you disappear?
This is my son Hachiro.
He came to Edo five years ago, and I haven't heard from him since.
I know for a fact that he's working in this town. Won't you help me find him?
If it's a job, we'll take it.
But lady, you do have money, right?
I was keeping this for Hachiro to eat, but I guess I have no choice.
Hey lady, is this how you show your sincerity?
I see...so that's how it is, huh? Corrupt, that's what this Edo megalopolis is.
I get it. Suit yourself. But let me say one thing.
You'll never get true love from me!!
Don't you try to read me! You make me sick, you old hag! Money! It's about money!
Well...
I suppose we'll get the mega rewards from her son.
So, have you seen him?
Never seen him.
His name's Hachiro Kuroita.
Here in Kabukicho, names don't mean a thing.
There are a lot of guys living here who've discarded their name and their past.
Just a minute, madam.
Are you suggesting that my son is doing something fishy?
No, no. I only said there's a lot of people like that in this town.
No way! Hachiro isn't like that!
From the time he was little, that boy was smart, earnest and a devoted son.
I have always been so proud of him!
Five years ago, he came out to Edo by himself because his father suddenly died
and he wanted to help our poor family.
That boy...
...would never...
...become a treasure hunter.
How is that smart?!
No! I'm sure what my boy really meant was that
he was going to hunt for the treasure called "happiness"!
Anyway, that boy...
is working an honest job, I'm sure of it!
He's working diligently, as hard as he can, with everything he's got, in a corner of this greedy town!
Please, I'm begging you!
Take me to him!
I just want to see him, and ask him, "Are you doing okay?"
[Town Doctor Whitejack] [Note: A play on Blackjack, a manga doctor]
That's all I know.
[Notice: No insurance accepted. No complaints allowed. ~Clinic Director]
I see... Thanks. Let me know if you hear anything.
Gin-san.
Gin-chan.
Nothing on my end.
Not even a clue...
No luck here, either.
This is so full of granny's scent that it's affected Sadaharu's nose.
How about you, Gin-san?
[Town Doctor Whitejack.]
This is...that underground doctor...
You're not thinking...?
Seems the devoted son has changed the face he got from his parents two or three times.
Plastic surgery? But why?
And not just from here. Seems he's had work done at numerous places.
We can't rely on this anymore.
Changing his face over and over... That's just like a criminal.
Gin-san, maybe we shouldn't get too deeply involved in this case.
Even if we found out anything more, Hachiro-san might not like it.
Maybe it's better if his mother didn't know anything.
That's not for us to decide. At any rate, we'll discuss it after we find her son.
But we can't use the photo anymore... How will we find him?
Plastic surgery doesn't change the facial bone structure much, right?
Surgically altered beauties all have the same sort of look.
We can at least take a guess.
Like this, maybe?
Just a minute, what're you doing? That's not plastic surgery. That's just a toupee.
I watched Beauty Ariake Coliseum every week. Let me try.
Done!
Hey! This isn't a picture in some textbook!
That can't be right. What're we going to do? This is our only copy.
We'll just cover it up from here to here.
Huh? This might be it, eh?
Yes...it looks possible. There're lots of people like this around Odaiba.
No, there aren't!
No one anywhere looks like this!
Even if he did look like this, he couldn't even step outside!
No, there are. There are lots of them around Neverland.
There's no Neverland!
Even if there was, he couldn't go out looking like that!
This isn't plastic surgery! You just added hair!
Let's just give up! Let's quit!
Let's quit this job!
Wassup. This is Hachiro.
Okay, got it.
I'm on my way to meet you now.
He... He does exist!
Is this for real? There he is!
Wh-What'll we do? What should we do?!
Calm down!
For now, call the old hag! Call her over here!
Mom!
Huh? What's she doing? Huh...
She's staring down those gals.
Old lady!
I'll take care of it. You follow Hachiro!
Right!
What's with you, old hag? You're like seriously pissing me off.
You're like staring at me. And you're too close to me.
You make me like totally sick.
Ambulance!
Somebody! Call an ambulance right now!
What're you screaming that for? What's the big idea?!
These girls have turned brown and they're complaining of nausea!
You're the one who's sick, old lady! You're seriously pissing me off!
Hey, Mom, hurry over here.
Sorry. She's from the country, so give her a break.
Stop that, Gin-san. Look at those girls' faces!
That's the same complexion my husband had before he died!
Oh yeah, that. They were born in a manure pool.
What's that supposed to mean, you?!
Just that. I'm busy, so go back to your manure pool.
Hold up. Hold up. What's going on?
Osaki-chan, is there trouble?
Kankichi-san!
This lame mother and son are giving us a hard time.
C'mon, who are these two? Country hicks?
I don't know what mountain you two came down from,
but if you press your luck around here, I'll kill you. I mean it.
Gin-san.
There...that man...
He's got short legs.
It's the fashion!
I'm sorry. She's from the country, so give her a break.
We're busy, so we'll be going now.
Hey, stop doing that.
That's a fashion trick to take your eyes off his short legs.
You're the rudest of all!
Hey, hold it!
If you keep screwing around like that, I don't care if it's an old lady or what...
I'll show you no mercy.
Hey, I said I was busy. Didn't you hear me, boys?
I don't give a darn about you wearing your toed socks or skirts loose,
but don't raise your hand to an old lady!
Wear your toed socks loose,
but do the right thing!
Pull up your pants, dummies!
Pull up your toed socks!
Learn from Sho Bro! Learn from his role on "Death Match"!
[Note: Sho Bro is short for Aikawa Sho, a famous Japanese actor known for playing Yakuza Boss-type roles.]
That's enough!
Kankichi. What're you doing out here?
Ky...
Kyoshiro-san!
Who're you?
Ha-Hachiro?!
You nimwits!
You may be peons, but you're employees of our club
and you've smeared dirt on Kyoshiro-san's reputation!
You're fired! Don't ever step foot in Kabukicho again!
Huh? What? What's going on?
It's Kyoshiro-san and Hachiro-san!
So that's Kabukicho's top host, Kyoshiro Honjo?
He's cool, but don't you think he looks a little scary?
Host? Huh? What's a host?
That's what's great about him.
What is that guy? What's a host? Hey.
Uh, you know. The guy version of a hostess.
Only the few chosen handsome ones...
Host? Huh? What's a host?
Only the few chosen handsome ones...
Huh? Host?
He's...a host? A host?!
Her...
...son is a...
Host?!
I'm terribly sorry for the trouble my boys caused.
Were you injured?
No, I'm fine. This is nothing.
I would really like to make this up to you.
Won't you come to our club?
Club?
[Takamagahara]
Yes. This is our club: Takamagahara.
Okay, then why don't you bring us some Dom-Peri?
Yes, but Miss, I think juice would be more...
Mind not making me angry?
Don't call me Miss. Call me Your Highness, Queen.
I'm terribly sorry! Queen of Kabukicho!
It's laughable that a Kabukicho host doesn't even know how to treat a lady.
An older woman enjoys being treated like a younger woman,
but a very young woman should be treated like an adult.
That's common sense.
If I say bring Dom-Peri,
bringing a cup of milk without saying anything more would be the smart thing to do,
wouldn't you say?
Forgive me, Your Highness!
Bring a cup of milk!
What's bringing an actual cup of milk going to do?!
Do you think I'm the type of woman who would be satisfied with just milk?
I'm already an adult. I can already handle Koronamin C.
[Note: A play on the energy drink Oronamin C.]
I would have expected nothing less.
You can already drink Koronamin C.
My last boyfriend said kids shouldn't drink Koronamin C.
He said even adults could only handle one bottle per day.
I wonder what he's doing these days...?
Oh, I already finished two bottles...
So this is what a host club is like.
I feel really uncomfortable...
I know, it feels like this is no place for a man to be.
Well, whatever, we're here for the free drinks anyway.
You'd better not drink anything. I'll let you have anything up to a Koronamin C.
How dare you!
You touched me! This boy just touched me!
No, I didn't. I only poured your drink.
No, you touched me. You touched my breasts with your elbow.
And you... You've been glancing at me with that lecherous stare!
No, I haven't been looking.
Yes you were! At my body! That's harassment-
sexual harassment!
Hey, old lady, shut up! Your face is sexual harassment.
I've had enough. Gin-san, what is this place?!
Didn't we come here to find Hachiro?! Are you saying he's at a place like this?!
Now, now, calm down.
You guys can go. We'll drink by ourselves.
Gin-san.
Seems she still hasn't realized it yet.
That's obvious.
He's changed so much-even if he really is her son...
Hachiro is a common name.
I understand why it'd be so hard to speak out given how much he's changed...
But then why did he go out of his way to invite us here in the first place?
Human beings aren't about what's logical.
Even if your mother is annoying,
if you see her being attacked right in front of you, isn't it a son's instinct to help her?
Attacked? I'd say you were the ones doing the attacking.
Excuse me.
Is everyone enjoying themselves?
Kyoshiro-san.
It doesn't feel right to be served drinks by guys.
I'm sorry. This is a host club, so this is the best we can do.
Would you like something to eat?
Okay, then I'll have this cavia...
We don't need anything like that. I brought something from home.
Boiled beans! Eat as many as your age, okay?
You brought that in here?!
Don't do that! It reeks of poverty!
These beans will cure that angry disposition!
You with the flashy clothes, try some, too!
Huh? Uh...all right.
Kyoshiro-san, there's something I'd like to ask you.
Huh? What is it?
You're also the owner of this club, aren't you, Kyoshiro-san?
Yes...
That guy with the humongous afro...
When did he start working at this club?
You mean Hachiro?
He's a close friend of mine who's been with me since we started this club.
I used to work at another club, but two years ago,
the two of us decided to start our own club.
He also used to be a host, but now he works behind the scenes.
He had a slight mishap with plastic surgery.
A mishap with plastic surgery? What sort of mishap?
Did the operating room blow up or something?
Um...is what happened this afternoon part of Hachiro-san's job, as well?
Well...yes... He does some bodyguard duties...
This is a dangerous town, so he sometimes does that sort of thing...
To make it...
to the top in this town, you need more than just appearances.
I've become known as the top host in Kabukicho,
but I've lost more than I've gained.
It's embarrassing to say this, but...
We're all people who cannot look our parents in the eyes.
Aniki!
[Note: Aniki refers to Big Brother or Boss]
Found him. This guy is Hachiro.
That so? Then we'll bring him back with us.
I don't want to trouble the club or its guests.
Hachiro!
Hey, who are those guys?
I'm terribly sorry for the commotion.
Don't pay any mind to us, everyone. Please continue what you were doing.
Too bad, they're all running away.
Sorry about that, Kyoshiro-han. Please don't report us for obstructing business.
Katsuo-san, you again?
Please let Hachiro go. Stop this harassment.
That's not what we're doing at all.
I'm not here about such a small matter, Kyoshiro-han.
I'm tired of having to come out here to deal with incidents like the other day.
My dachshund is about to give birth. I want to be there when she does.
I really don't have time to get involved in a childish fight.
A childish fight?
Yeah...
Your bodyguard beat up a kid on the street.
Hosts nowadays sure are impolite!
That was one of the young ones.
He did something stupid, so we taught him a lesson. It has nothing to do with you.
But it does.
Right, Kanshichi-kun?
No. It's Kankichi.
Kanpachi-kun here is a relative of our big boss.
So we need to settle this our way.
The Big Boss's?
I don't know. Might be a very distant relative.
I hear he's a relative of a relative of a relative of a relative.
Stop making false accusations.
It's not a false accusation.
Right, Kankuro-san?
Y-Yes. I'm a relative of a relative of a relative.
You're missing one relative!
He's mistaken.
He's a relative of a relative of a relative of a relative of a relative of my big boss.
Boss, that's one relative too many.
Never mind.
What I'm trying to say is that
all human beings are relatives born from the maternal ocean.
Gin-san, who are these people?
That's probably Katsuo the Black Piece of the Gutter Rat Gang.
He's a junior boss of one of the four kings of Kabukicho, Jirocho Doromizu.
What's the deal behind the club's dispute with such a troublesome fellow?
Money. It's money. I heard those liars mention it earlier.
The Gutter Rat Gang's been demanding money to take over the protection gig.
After Kyoshiro-san turned them down, they've been harassing the club.
Man, from one thing to the next, that son is a handful. Isn't he, Mom?
Huh? Where's the old lady?
Now that you mention it, she's gone.
Hey! What do you think you're doing?!
He's covered with blood!
Who's the old lady?
Just a minute! Just a minute!
Hey, umm! Just a minute! Just a minute!
What're you talking about?
Rice crackers and peanuts go well with drinks, but you mustn't eat too much.
No one bleeds this much from eating too many peanuts!
I told you to eat six parts rice crackers to four parts peanuts!
That's enough, old lady. Don't try to make fools of us.
Everyone knows the ratio of rice crackers to peanuts...
is seven to three!
Everything in this world works out if divided by seven to three!
7:3. It's the Golden Ratio that forms the basis for the entire Universe. You idiot!
You're only saying 7:3 because you want to eat more rice crackers!
Read the "Monkey vs. Crab" for the rest of your life. You idiot!
Stupid!
This ratio is the Golden Ratio that enhances both the rice crackers and peanuts.
You ugly idiot!
You're just infatuated with the words "Golden Ratio."
Why don't you forget about reason and live tomorrow like you were dead? You idiot!
Fine, old lady. Tonight, we'll debate rice crackers and peanuts till dawn.
Let's settle it once and for all!
Boss, what did we come here for?
How would I know, stupid?!
Hey, you guys. Don't just stand there...
Hurry up and bring us drinks!
What's wrong with this place?
You're a host club, yet you don't know how to serve your customers?
Forgive us.
We'll be right with you.
We're delighted to welcome you to host club Takamagahara.
I am Shin, one of the club's top three.
I am Gin. Just do it.
[Note: Spoof of the Nike slogan.]
Gura here.
[Note: Spoof of Eikou Kano, a Japanese Comedian.]
Just do it!
[To Be Continued]
The next episode... "Don't Make Munching Noises When You Eat."
[Katsuo the Black Piece, junior boss of the Gutter Rat Gang threatens Kyoshiro's Club, Takamagahara.]
[The Odd Jobs trio turned into hosts. Okay! With my life.]
[By the way, has Lake Toya arrived yet? Hasn't it? Has it arrived?]